#244 The journey transforms the traveler!

This dream was triggered by what was on my mind the night before. I have been working on an article about being a mother for a women’s magazine and trying to suss out the slant the article would take.

The dream went something like this…

I was hanging out with a group of kids around age 12. There was an event that we were attending with our moms. The exact details escape me, but I do recall being upset that my mother would not be attending. As we were sitting there, one of the other moms reached over and said, "your mother would be here if she could". That was a message I had heard often as a child.

My memory failed me with details and I’m not convinced they matter. I woke up feeling anxious and the feeling of self pity permeated my whole body.

Working hard to shake the feeling, I nevertheless tried to recall. Being raised by a disabled mother meant many things and one of those had to do with how different my life was from the experiences of my friends. It has been a long time since I experienced this resentment - I do have a lot of compassion for my 12-year-old self. It wasn’t easy to parent myself and I missed those mom moments. 

My mother had sustained a broken neck and brain damage the year before and there was no way she could parent five children in the same way as the other moms did. I was too young to process it at the time. My best was hardly enough, and I felt vulnerable without the protective love of my mother - the buffer against all danger. My experience shaped who I became as a parent.

As I sat to write the article this morning, the dream was on my mind and the profound wisdom I have learned along the way about how "the journey transforms the traveler". My mother has all my respect – I can only imagine what she missed out on as a result of her injuries.

We have all indulged in self pity at one time or another. Distance changes perspective. The journey really does transform the traveler. Wouldn’t you agree?