#245 Understanding First Generation Success
Jul 10, 2021
A couple reached out to me a while back and asked if I would come and have a chat with the family. They were willing to pay me but when they told me that they wanted to know more about "first generation success" after reading one of my blog posts, I agreed to have a coffee with the family for free. That coffee has turned into multiple coffees, dinners and a budding friendship. These are a few of the conversations that we have shared.
They wanted to know how they could support their child on his path to success. I was quite surprised to tell the truth - those are one of the challenges of first gen success, lack of support on the journey. What a pro-active approach to not only recognize this but to also do something about it.
Those who choose to break with tradition and reach for a bigger dream have taken on hard work. They believe that they can achieve any goal and they're not aware of the disadvantage of being first. I suppose that this can be a benefit in the early days - if you knew what you were up against - internally and otherwise, you might not take the first step.
Whether it’s education, for me it was taking that bold leap to law school or starting a business, there are things I wish I would have known before I started that would have quickened the pace and no doubt helped me to avoid the pitfalls.
The beauty of understanding your own psychology is that you can resist the urge to act like "crabs in a bucket" mentality that can cause you to "hoard resources". I prefer to be a generous giver for others and help them lighten their load. I often jokingly say that I am the crab that came back with the ladder.
Unfortunately that first generation often must overcome the internal struggle of guilt and shame and all that comes along with wanting more; the internal voices that ask "who do you think you are" that can cause you to question your ambition and put the brakes on your dreams because those around you aren't keeping pace. It's important to know about the psychology of pulling away from the pack and how you need to find your new people to support you on the next leg.
The road from scarcity to abundance is filled with internal and external lessons and it's nice to have a journeyperson along for the ride. That's the reason why we use the apprenticeship model at PeopleCan Training. Having someone walk the journey with you helps with skills development at vulnerable periods. I suspect that if I had gotten the support I needed at law school, I'd be in practice now. Don't get me wrong, there were valuable lessons learned there as well - about what not to become mostly. I also learned about relational aggression which I will expand upon later.
You always need to surround yourself with people whose values mirror your own. Challenging your own assumptions about successful people is key to success. Those who have enjoyed the luxury of success for generations - the privileged will be your greatest asset when you learn to trust and welcome them onto your team of support. Privilege is real but it's taken on negative connotation in some circles.
Don't believe what you have been conditioned to believe (crabs in a bucket).
The next generation will benefit from your privilege which will include the network of support. Those are things we need to compensate for in the early days. As a first generation ambitious person, not having that support of someone wiser to light the way definitely felt like driving with the handbrake on at times.
I suppose the real benefit of not knowing what you do not have helps us to take bold action. The courage to move forward without resources is definitely an asset.
You'll let go of people along the way - not everyone will understand your drive and ambition. People will say you’ve changed but the truth is that you're choosing a new path and you can't go down this new path without changing.
Sometimes they're projecting their own disappointment on you and they're doing the best they can. We're all put here with amazing capacity and many have learned to be helpless along the way. That's not who you are. The path is hard enough without the burden of pleasing others.
You'll fail and when you do, it will be lonely. You will feel disappointed and you're going to have to find the courage to pick yourself up. There will be more people around when you're failing then when you're succeeding but you can remedy that with the new support system you build. After failing your next attempt will have so many more supports.
It's much easier to stay where you are but you weren't born for easy. You were born for success, you wouldn't be thinking about it otherwise.
Google these terms - they will help you understand your journey.
Learned helplessness
Growth mindset
Crabs on a bucket
Scarcity vs. Abundance Mindset
